Eddies

eddy.jpgI do some of my best thinking while driving. This makes driving sort of an occupational hazard for me, I guess. Nonetheless, I would like to (and must) continue to be able to drive. So one of today’s tasks was to renew registration and get an emissions check on my Volvo.

I got to the DEQ office, however, having failed in multiple ways to ‘adult,’ including:

  • having decided to wear a dress that was  1.) “twirly” and 2.) just a smidge too short, thus having to awkwardly “manage” my person in the weirdly windy DEQ drive-through thing.
  • not having properly filled out my registration renewal form.
  • not having my insurance card on my person and having to call my husband at work to get the policy number

I was a hot mess. Life has been a little stressful lately, and this was just hilariously (but not) icing on the cake of my week, thus far.

Grocery shopping happened after that. The hubs met up with me and we partnered up for this adventure, since I had the two kiddos. No harm no fowl in the isles, thankfully.

On the way home, though, I found myself thinking in an almost meta way about the process–my process–of cycling through a day’s events. This image popped up in my mind of eddies. In water. In a river, specifically. An eddy is that thing that happens when water in a current hits something like a rock or another obstruction; there’s all the expected movement (sometimes urgent, aggravated) of a traveling body of water–until that water collides with something, at which point it slows quite suddenly, quiets, and takes a moment to decide what to do next. I thought while I was driving, the kids hot and tired and hitting their own eddies of almost-sleep in the back, that this “deciding” can have positive or negative implications. On one hand, a space to stop and feel and go ’round a few times for clarity is good. Everybody needs those pauses. On the other hand, sometimes an eddy can becomes something else–indecision, insecurity, a distinct failure to move forward. The past few weeks have shown me how my eddies do both. I often pause and decompress in what I hope are healthy, thoughtful ways. But I also stay too long in certain places, out of fear, insecurity, self-doubt.

I might be in an eddy now. With this blog, among many other things. Be patient with me. I hope to make good decisions. I hope to make more courageous, more self-assured decisions. I hope to make more magical mistakes–where before I might have made only bummer ones out of a ‘perfection or bust’ mentality.  I’m taking it just one bend in the river at time.

Until the next one, friends.

xoxo

 

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